Fishing for Frod

oooohh....aesop- elliot, you must be tickled pink...by the way, who the fuck are those kooky euro rappers...they're hilarious!!!

well, I find myself on the verge of heading out west again, dear friends and cohorts....tommorrow I depart from Union Station in Kansas City (the site of the famous mafioso Valentines Day Massacre and KC's finest landmark in my opinion- see Robert Altman's "Kansas City" with some fine Jennifer Jason Leigh scenes in the vast lobby) for the lovely state of California...I am riding Amtrak (if it still exists by the time I get there tomorrow nite) for three days to Santa Cruz and the Bay Area on the most circuitous desert route via LA....the Southwest Chief they call it....there I will cavort with the likes of Sir Wrighteous Cronin Esquire, the Honorable Baldwin Lovejoy, and the lovely and inimitable Ms. Rachel Anderson....who knows, fellatians, I might even run into Claire Mccabe....I am having lots of fun having no responsibility and a fair amount of cash to wander and loaf...we shall see how long it lasts...I was originally intending to do some world travel, but I am now inclined to settle back in fair portlandia after a bit of an extended vacation...refreshed indeed... that "portland mystique" ralph nader spoke of (remember jesse?) is so alluring... I do miss the douglas firs...a bit regretful to leave my darling neice and nephew and badaass sibling (he is now driving the most pimped out black on black on black 1969 Lincoln Continental and converting his front yard into an organic vegetable garden- whatta guy)...but altogether finding life splendid and looking forward to seeing ya'll....

and could anyone else give a tinker's damn about some ditz ditching her would be groom and calling it an abduction...this is news?...give me a fucking break...

today I had lunch with my grandma at The Bay Leaf in Higginsville MO, where she lives at the John Knox Village Retirement Home...I ordered an iceberg salad with hillbilly sauce (ranch dressing according to Tim) while good ole Marjory had some chicken fried steak and said it was too soggy...I almost ordered butterscotch cake, but grandma said she had whipped up some smashing strawberry jello pie, and i just couldn't resist...so we indulged while granny expounded on the good fortunes that landed her such a marvelous view of the wal mart over yonder....right across from the mcdonalds which was thriving this morning with early morning farme...she reported this as if it were a bucolic pastoral scene...she always says things like "I reckon" and when she goes to a particular store she "trades" there...what a sweetheart...too bad vernon isn't around anymore....he once tried to kill himself with his belt after suffering a nervous breakdown while driving a bus in 1976, I found out today...and my great-great grandfather apparently was a piece of shit...great...however, my great great grandmother lottie apparently was a "lump of sugar"...super...

ok...

Renn Fayre Secrets Revealed

The big fancy band: Aesop Rock.

Jesse, to answer one of your old questions, this is what I thought of Melinda + Melinda.

New Boots & Jam Jam comic is up. Sonya has the original hi-rez version rendered in the form of a birthday card/coloring book. You can use it as a birthday e-card if you like. Or Chris, for example, you could send to your brother as a sort of "sorry your band is breaking up" card. There are a lot of universal themes going on in this one so its really applicable to a lot of situations.

the getupkids are officially breaking up...matt made the announcement last month on the groups message board....they are doing a final mini tour coming up here with a handful of west/midwet/east coast shows before wrapping up their illustrious kid careers with a show at KC's Uptown Theatre....so you better catch em while you can...matt had an interesting show the other nite- solo accoustic where he played three of his new children songs mixed in with has catalogue of melodic alcohol and death tunes....my favorite is the song about the purple dinosaurs....lily really likes it too....do continue to keep your eyes out of the New Amsterdams and Koufax (the band with the pope brother rhythem section and notorious man-about-town Rob Dogg...) they were pretty good--intense--almost led zeppelin-esque,,,,and of course James DeWees is a hot ticketk with his Reggie and The Full Effect (he recently had a photo shoot where he was submerged in a claw foot tub filled with SKittles)....he was just on tour with green day, I think.....

my alltime new favorite music is that of leo kotkke and mike gordon (the accoustic extraordinaire and the former phish bassist)....the shit is wonderful...you would dig it, lovejoy....its on the sugarmegs link....(I refuse to learn how to link- at least for now)

I think I am quitting my job today....travels beckon....I wanna come through the Bay Area first--never spent any time there,...

no, jaiva, thats pretty damn funny....you've got balls to invite twin brothers over to your place so they can massage you and to nibble their sushi....I am trying to imagine Dorian on ecstasy and it is frightening to think about...it probably involved ridiculously loud music.....you shouldv'e given it to Daniel....it could've helped with his writing...

My sister used to work for a high-priced matchmaker in Boston. She would hook rich women up with rich men untill the found one to marry. She said it was a total pyramid scheme scam. But these successful, wealthy women paid tons of money to get dates with random guys. Thousands of dollars. Then they'd always complain in these detailed emails about how the guys wouldn't be rich enough or they'd be bald or fat or not Jewish.

This is my favorite new song, Chris. It's by these guys:


...And if you were reading the New York Times on Sunday and were wondering what the "strangest sound in hip-hop" sounds like, here's a sample.

no, i hear what you're saying elliot...welcome backkk, welcome back, welcome backk....are you moving to portland jaiva?... I probably will be after trekkking in nepal...

and your musical trackks, Elliot, are becoming more and more obscure....but keep it up...

and speakking of music, go to http://tela.sugarmegs.org/_asxtela/* for an index of about a thousand live concerts ranging from talkking heads to phish to leo kkotke backk to phish to allman brothers band to the dead and finally backk to leo kkotke....then wrap it up with a little charlie parker or yonder mountain string band....the shits the bomb....I listened to the final phish show (which kinda suckked- it was an emotional day) from last august called "coventry" and it nearly broke my heart....listen to trey's speech after "glide" on the second set of the second day....its soo sad....I have recently found myself backk into phish all over again....the best phish set ever according to trey is when they played from 11 to 7 in the morning on the millenium in florida....they do a bitchin "crosseyed and painless" (talking heads: remain in light)......"stiiiillll waitin'"

*How to link. -E

Excuse me, fellas, your internet dating stories are really fascinating and all. Honestly they are. But somehow, I don't think you're hearing what I've been saying. Jaiva's coming back to Portland! Ah-one, ah-two, ah-one-two-three-four...everybody sing!

I bet by your 30th year, JB, I'll be singing "when im sixtyfour" at the wedding reception...

Mt Sneffels?? Hetch Hetchy?? Where the fuckkkk do you find these places...

and by the way, which online services do you use to meet pasty obese computer technicians....this ibook has a problem with the k button....every few words I type, k's pop up in twos and threes as if this damned machine is possessed by the spirit of some long dead pasty obese Mississippi bigot...plus, I'm lonely....

thats fucking hilarious about the ancient stocker....five bucks he doesn't make it to the centennial....

Jaiva's coming back to Portland! Everybody sing!

first of all, I am not in the middle of Kansas...try forty miles west of the missouri border, bitch....

jaiva...shy?...unbelievable...you seem so mellow...

and you are right, lovejoy (no daisy dotting function here at the library)...we live in a country dominated by the pack shunning wandering Homo Economicus....if we are looking outside of ourselves for value and meaning, we are shit out of luck...as if I can go straight to the library lady here and say, "hey...you got any meaning?"....she would probably pull out a dictionary...maybe I should try it anyway because she is rather cute...(everyone is cute these days...)

and I am a bit resentful having my jordan year elapse without knowing of it...shit... it has been so long since I have been into professional sports, I can't even pinpoint what year 25 is for me now...I just read a blurb in the paper today about the 99th anniversery of the San Fran fire and it featured some 102 year old guy WORKING AT A GROCERY STORE!!! he works there two days a week, and the picture showed him stocking Honey Bunches of Oats...apparently its pretty meaningful to him...he couldn't even remember the fire but he was featured nonetheless, the old bastard....fucking A...now I have fancied officially becoming a Trader Joseph for good and making some money, but, please, dear friends, never let me work there that long....and my question is: did anybody ever wear a 102? (pardon the convuluted paragraph)

also: what are your guys' takes on online dating? I had a really nice quid pro quo last night with this girlie...leslie, now one of my friendsters...ehh?

and I shall be dubbed "Gus the Virgin" from now on....and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONYA!!!!! Life only seems to suck and be in a state of limbo because we have brilliant minds that are constantly searching for meaning and value in a meaningless and valueless world...at least that is my take on it....if you are depressed you are doing something right...if you are not in a state of mental/spiritual disarray then you are probably miserably ordinary and have nothing to offer the world....but the catch is, once you do offer something for the world, you are still in limbo....so I suggest you find a nice hobby like stamp collecting....or bug collecting....or, like calvin and hobbes, stamped bug collecting....

some michael jackson jokes:

1.what did the lady say to MJ on the beach?
2.how do you know it is bedtime at neverland ranch?
3.did you hear MJ was seen at Sears the other day?

punchlines::

1.excuse me, sir, could you get out of my "sun"...
2.when the big hand is on the little hand...
3.yeah, apparently there was a sale...little boy's pants half-off....

I want to be called Roxie Sapphire!!!! Yey for name changes.

Hey boys, does the rest of life just suck? Does it perpetually feel like one is in a state of limbo?

This year has been rough, and I've heard that the first year out of college blows, but does it ever get better? I am having my doubts.

I'm not depressed per se, just mostly confused.

Oh and for those of you in P-town, my birthday is Friday...and I think I'm going to orchestrate a late-night get-together...I will most likely have to work that night : (. But it's okay, because it's going to be my Jordan year (as Elliot says)....23 baby.

Fucking hillarious. From now on I want you all to call me Johnny Neptune. And if anybody won't take my checks I'll just be like, "do you know who the fuck I am? I'm Johnny Fucking Neptune!"

indeed, he has....apparently it has made cashing checks a royal pain in the ass for him...he hopes to legally become Orion in the coming months... I doubt it is for pornographic purposes but rather to further assimilate himself into the chic soho circuit....it has a certain mystique and inscrutablility, don't ya think?....plus, he can always fall back on fuckin if the band he manages doesn't work out....by the way, check em out at electricturntome.com*.....

*[edited for blogginess - E]

Woah woah. Just a second. Did Caleb really change his name to Caleb Orion. That's fucking hilarious. That's strictly for porn purposes, right?

Hey Gang,

Just got back from a smashing trip to New York City where I cavorted with such notable cohorts as Caleb Orion (the Caleb formerly known as O Jacobs Smith), Ayelet Arbuckle, and Jake Falascini (I know I misspelled that). Caleb is getting by as a band manager/real estate man/waiter in the East Village. Ayelet is interning at Symphony Space having just wrapped up a Steven Sondheim Showcase that lasted for twelve whole hours. Angela Landsbury was there! She is also still applying creams to little old lady faces for Clinique. And I am pleased to report that good ole Jake is working as a paralegal in none other than Elliot Spitzer's office, the corporate crook investigating NY Attorney General/gubernatorial candidate/future Dem presidential candidate. Jake and I met at a Chinese Transvestite bar on 1st Ave and 2nd Street called Lucky Cheng's where he explained to me his work to bring down the fraudsters at AIG, which I think stands for American Ignorant Greedbags...Caleb and I hung out until the wee hours a couple different nites shooting pool, as you may have guessed. Jeff Goldblum was very tall and altogeather mediocre in his performance of Pillowman, a very macabre black comedy about children's writers and vicious murders. Billy Crudup was wonderfully neurotic and high energy. Overall, a decent show. But it paled in comparison to the Ladysmith Black Mambazo concernt I caught at Town Hall. You all remember this South African a cappella group from Paul Simon's brilliant Graceland album. I think they even came to Reed a few years back. Anyhow, they were wonderfully playful and lighthearted, entertaining the crowd with antics and funny dances and glottal clicking. They performed "Homeless" from the Simon album and the little hairs on my neck stood up.
"Somebody say ih hih ih hih ih
Somebody sing hello, hello, hello
Somebody say ih hih ih hih ih
Somebody cry why, why, why?
Somebody say ih hih ih hih ih"

I will be sure to post some photos once I get em from the old man, who has had it up to here with steriod scandals and the grandstanding of Congress. And Bobby Bonilla now works in the Player's Association office, although he wasn't there when I visited. Don Fehr was , though, and boy is he a prick!!!

hope hetch hetchy was everything you hoped it would be jesse....and I had no idea that their was spinoff of The Office...I agree with lovejoy in that reruns of that sort unequivocally suck....can't americans think up anything on thier own other than ways to disparage the legacy of FDR....I'll have to check it out if can pry myself away from the Iron Chef....you'll never fucking guess what those guys did with mung beans last night....holy shit!!!!

Real Word: Portland

no shit.

Was there really a guy named Hetch Hetchy? Or is that some kind of indian name?

Frodfish Office Report:
Episode 4

VS.

Recap
Episode 1: missed it, heard it sucked
Episode 2: sucked
Episode 3: missed it. heard it sucked

Epidsode 4: Eh...Not bad. AmericanTim (we call him "Jim") is far too good looking and far too comedically challenged to play this part. If this show becomes a hit and this actor/model becomes one of the People Magazines Most Fuckable Celebrities, the show will have failed. AmericanGareth (Dwight?) is a classic American nerd as opposed to the very specifically British nerd in Gareth. Gone are the bugged out ecstacy eyes and the "territorial army" jokes. Dwight is pudgier and not as lecherous as Gareth. AmericanDavid Brent seems to be warming up and getting used to his role. The first episode I saw was a godawful impersonation of Ricky that TheGuyFromTheDailyShowWhoWasn'tAsFunnyAsStephenColbert should be ashamed of. All in all I recommend the show to fans of the office who can tolerate a cheaper facimile of their beloved show with some new material as well as people who've never seen the original Office, don't have cable and are looking for something to watch besides CSI: Hoboken and Everybody Loves Whatshisname. The episode had a well developed Americanist twist with "Jim" and "Dwight" forming a Survivor style alliance in order to survive downsizing. Jim makes Dwight do all sorts of goofy stuff under the pretence of spying for information. Dawn's skinny, dull American replacement, "Pam" gets in on the joke and Jim and Pam are laughing and joking about what they've done to Dwight when Pam's blue collar boyfriend walks in and does the famous wall shove thing that was so startling and awkward in the BBC original. In this one, Jim tries to explain the alliance thing and how they were just joking and doing office pranks. The boyfriend asks Dwight if its true and Dwight denies it (thus betraying Jim in a classic survivor twist, get it.) The whole scene loses the rawness and intensity of the original in favor of a crappy, plot-pointy gag about reality TV. Poor form. Next episode looks like it'll get back into racial issues so hopefullly it'll get ballsier and more funny.

Macaulay Culkin...or Mac as i like to call him... and I had a heavy petting session last night.
It was sweet, he only called me Michael once.

As for Melinda Melinda...as soon as Elliot has some dough we will go see it.
hey Jesse are you coming to P-town for RF???

Please
Pretty please
I'll bake you cookies if you do.

xo,
Sonya

R.I.P.

We lost by an inch. Damon had an open shot at the end but he was just a little bit long. Telfair had a learning night. Looked unsure of his shot alot. Pryzbilla had a monster double double with 19pts 14 boards and 5 blocks. We were down most of the game and came back to lead it in the 4th and then lose by 2pts to a blazing hot Golden State that was having an amazing night from behind the arc with Fisher, Davis, and Dunleavy just killing us. If one of our guys had had just 3 more pts on the night, we would've won. One less turnover, a few more free throws. We're this close is my point. Even though: Theo Ratliff's loafing and injured, Zach Randolph's in a wheelchair, Derek Anderson is faking a back injury, Nick Van Exel has just quit for the season, and Darius Miles hurt his shoulder. Our starting point guard is 19 and was getting ready to go to the prom less than 12 months ago. The Blazers are consistantly losing while simultaneously not utterly sucking *coff*Lakers*coff* all the time. There is progress. There is some good basketball being played in P-Town. Just not good enough. By an inch.

The greatest bit of political maneuvering I ever did was getting my best friend Ned Smith elected President of the senior class with the slogan "Nead for Head" (we called our presidents "Head Monitor"; it's a prepschool thing.) He brought Toots and his lovely Maytals up from Jamaica to play a gig in Watertown, CT in our black box theater. It was the greatest thing I've ever seen. He's like a tiny Carribean James Brown.

just saw toots and the maytalls at the bottleneck this eve....I am still reeling...and still drunk...fucking fantastic...all i could think of was nate dogg....I shook my ass till no end....64-26- that's my number--ohhhhhh!!!!....nothing like a bit of live reggae with my nepali and pacific island cohorts....and just as toots took the stage we all stood captivated and watched illinois go down, down to north carolina....you know I am pullin midwest....shucks....