Fishing for Frod

whats the sound of one hand clapping? shut up bitch. so i heard from kevin, bad news, he turned gay and started riding steers for spare cash to support his steroid habit. he's still in texas dickin around the cactus, everytime he eats a taco he shits out a burrito and everytime he eats a burrito he shits out one hand clapping. when the sun sets over austin kevin sets out for the strappin adam, the local queer dive where he slips mickies to guys named pryor and then retreats into the shadows to wait for that moment when the cigarette falls and the drink slips, and then its "oh pryor. you've had too much too drink, i'll have to take you home, moo hua haha." too many burritos.

Wow. From my favorite MP3 blogger, CocaineBlunts.com, I just heard perhaps the most insanely disgustingly hillariously gross rap song ever produced. It's by UGK and it's called Pregnant Pussy. Check it out. Chris, you should transcribe the lyrics and leave them around the house for your mom to find and then set up a hidden camera to record the subsequent confrontation. I'd pay 5 dollars to see that.

Today's Frodfish vegetable is...

Today's Frodfish Soundtrack is....

The Jam! by Larry Graham and Graham Central Station

First of all, WHO THE FUCK IS TEX? If that is Mike Pape then I'll be damned! I think thats who it is with the somewhat bewildering message interspersed with "uh" and "sweet" ....by the way, Tex, my Mom prefers Latinos (reminds me of dusk{???})

Second, nice links, Elliot. Your Mom is hilarious on the Floss Blog..As for Ray, I haven't seen it...though I can imagine Foxx doing him justice...(By the way I saw Ray Charles once at Muicipal Auditorium in downtown KC when I was a freshman in high school...we snuck in...sweet show) And I am not quite sure how Mel and Moore got snubbed. And I don't quite understand the huge connection between them, in gereral...other than the fact they made hugely popular (or unpopular) movies in 2004...and one is left while another is right...yada fucking yada...red and blue...whoopity doo....this is discourse in our country...so how were they snubbed...and whats up with Neverland?...you need to be more specific, Elliot...I don't follow pop culture as much as I follow....PHISH...what?...they broke up?

And if I may take a moment to reflect on that eerie Geto Boys photo (not the actual album photo for "We Can't Be Stopped" album which shows and even eerier photo from the hospital corridor)...in this photo, you see the three boys from the geto Scarface, Bushwick Bill, and Willie D (left to right). Notice the guaze eye patch over Bill's face covering a partially self inflicted gunshot wound (in a drunken rage he forced his girlfriend-much taller than he- to shoot him in the face after he held her daughter out the window, a la Suge Knight/Vanilla Ice- except with a midget and an infant) Notice the subtle hints of sadness and anxiety on the stoic visage of Scarface (AKA Akshun or Brad) clearly worried about the fate of the "lil big man"....and WIllie D...that rambunctious former barber....What the fuck is he wearing?!! Take note too, of the 1987 era cell phone (although this photo was probably taken in 91-92) and the Texas Model Ambulance...they were from Houston...they still are...

Mike Pape is from Buttfuck...

Third, where the hell is Tim Russell!!? Elliot, put the bong down and get that fucker on the horn so he'll start blogging!! And give me his number while your at it...

Fourth, I am planning on foregoing extensive world travel for now to attend the University of Kansas, political science/public administration, in the fall...I read an interesting article today in The Pitch (KC's Willie Week) about the disasterous effects on downtown KC from the interstate loop which severs the waterfront and city market from the downtown and all but eliminates pedestrian traffic at many formerly interesting areas...they were some new innovative ideas from the College of New Urbanism firm about turning these Seventy MPH arteries into more aesthetically friendly boulevards that foster the crazy notion of people getting out of their fucking cars!!...and I thought of Jesse Baldwin and his city planning future...and that great book "The Geography of Nowhere"...

Sixth, I am skipping fifth.

Seventh. I was examing the effect of the flowing water from my gutter on the soil surrounding the pond and I thought of Jesse's passion for filuvial geomorphology....

Eighth, I am full of shit...however, I am returning to school though and the house I am in does have a pond....I could give a fuck about the filuvial geomorphological effects of my backyard though...I'd have to be stoned to really get into it...or wandering in the midst of Cascadia singing "Biological Speculation" ....

hey there fellows, i see y'all are talking about black people. sweet. uh, reminds me
of nighttime. so chris your uncle is black? is that the deal, oh no, its your stepdad.
your mom must know that "little" secret about the brothers.

Speaking of Chris' blind blood relatives... how 'bout that Jamie Foxx in Ray? Think he's a lock? How 'bout Mel and Mikey Moore getting the fatty snub? Was Finding Neverland really that good?

Today's frodfish soundtrack provided by:

the Geto Boys

Wait a minute! Those observations were made by my stepdad! And I checked too. It doesn't say uncle anywhere! Or were you simply making a generalized statement about Uncle Chris?

Uncle Chris

Sonya, yes I ALWAYS feel antsy...but particularly less so these days....I think not working at Trader Joes and being around my family really helps....that and not smoking nearly as much pot as I am accustomed to....the weather does resonate peculiar in my brain though....you'll find another Becky, I'm certain....just make sure their not some transvestite Becky that wants to identity fraud ya!!

I was talking to my stepdad the other day about war and football....he said he dislikes watching basketball because they are all black....he is a bigot, but a lump of sugar.....lots of people are bigots out here....and ya'll thought I was racist with my edgy improv!! HA!! anyway, I had to lay it on him that many football players are black too, you just can't tell as easily with all the gear...he also said football was more fastpaced than basketball...I think he started drinking again to be honest.....certainly explains why he thinks Bush is a liberator.....but he thinks we should do something about the millions dying in the Sudan....just after Iraq...IT"S HARD WORK being the righteous pruveyors of freedom and liberty...take a number The Sudan!!!

this is elliot....he is the jam!



Hey!! Somebody stop that Zanni!!!

Yo Wassup!

Chris here I am...I miss you...we never got to say goodbye, but somehow that seems fitting.
But it was good to see the pic of you and your kin...very cute.

Guys, I am feeling VERY antsy these days...anyone else?
I can't put my finger on why...is it because the weather is warmish...but it is still winter...is it because becky is leaving and the house feels a little unsettled?

Did the Patriots win today?

And on the topic of Demir (sorry to invoke his name yet again), that little store script was pretty realistic. I think I actually had that same conversation with Demir last Paidea.
I particularly liked when he told my Anthropology of Dreaming class that "we should all totally smoke some ganj together and talk about dreams"
yah...good times.

xo
S

no pro football this evening...though I did catch Lonestar, that wonderful 92 john sayles flick...with chris christopherson and matthew mchhhgoonehyy...excellent soundtrack...a bit drunk this evening...

check out the new lawrence democracy for america website at

http://sunflower.com/~diamondjim1/

thats some KU shit in the photo...I haven't seen the governor of PA's tits yet though I am quite looking forward to it...please post photo....

also, my first ever letter to the editor was actually printed today in the Lawrence Journal World...fuck yeahh!!

http://ljworld.com/section/letters/story/193911

* fixed your links. -E

Who's got playoff fever!?!? Babs shmabs, Gospel shmospel, how 'bout that Donovan McNabb? Is anybody else as excited as I am about the prospect of a Eagles/Steelers all-Pennsylvania Super Bowl? Maybe Gov. Ed Rendell will show his boobs at the halftime show! That'd be awesome!

How's this?

-----------------------------------------------------
Demir Goes Grocery Shopping

(Demir enters grocery store with three girls with dreadlocks- sees Chris)

Demir: Hey! What's up Man? (swarmy loss of eye contact)

Chris: Oh not much...(Chris forgets Demir's weird name)....just, you know...working...How's life?

Demir: Aww, pretty good...just pluggin away at my thesis...(steals some fruit leathers...smiles widely)

Chris: (incredulous) super...well I'll see ya...

Demir: Yeah bro...totally drop by the house sometime...we're gonna have a real cool party this weekend...(grabs dreadlock's ass and saunters off to steal wine leaving behind faint nag champa mingled with semen odor)

----------------------------------------------------------

I now propose that we not discuss Demir any further on this blog...

Be grateful, JB....Barbara Boxer is a champ!! She was was one of the two (the other being the woman from Ohio) who contested the election in Ohio...she also fucking scolded condi...she's righteous!...and Wellstone is dead, anyway...I mean the guy was great, but he died way back when I was living in Elliot's basement...back when Demir was....FUCK!!!!...

Last night I had the privilige, or rather I subjected myself on the bequest of my dear mother, of attending a lecture by reknowned religion scholar Elaine Pagels on the Gnostic Gospels and The Gospel of Thomas...now that was fairly interesting, diving into the topic of the somewhat censored and heretical writing of a loopy sect of JC's disciples whose writing was recently unearthed...Thomas was kooky because he was a bit more esoteric and less dualistic in nature...he pissed off john and was called doubting thomas in his gospel...anyway, the point being, I attended the lecture in this sprawling ass church in Prairie Village, Johnson County Kansas (where Jesse may have preached the word of Reed down the street at Shawnee Mission East...)and there were literally a thousand fuckers there...I was in the belly of the beast!...this is the home of SPRINT...a corporate american xanadu...lots of CEO looking fuckers reeking of gin...nodding off and looking at me like I was gonna suicide bomb em in my narly pendleton sweater and goatee...It was really quite a test of endurance to sit amongst this group of money hoarding world liberators...anyway I got outta there unscathed...but now I have to go to my grandma's house for lunch...that's OK, though...she gave me a subscription to Time Magazine because "they're on our side"....mmmmm, green bean casserole...

Blast from the past!


If you're wondering how to put pictures on this blog go to ImageShack.us and they'll hook you up.

Let me see if my Demir impression works in cyberspace.

[ahem]

"Hey guys, what's goin' on? You guys maybe wanna smoke a bowl?"

shit. Lemme try again...

"Hey, what's goin' on guys? You wouldn't happen to have any ganj?"

Damnit. This isn't working. Trust me it's really good in person.

I remember Demir now!! He's that hairy fucker who makes people feel really strange, right? ... Jonny's friend (a hairy fucker who makes people feel warm and fuzzy)...The Daily Show bored me...back to CSPAN...SIKE!!...I had you there!!...no, I am going to retire to HarperCollins College Outline Introduction to Government...FUCK YEAH!!!

Why the hell is the name Damir so familiar yet I cannot picture the fucker? My memory has faded as well...

I just jotted off a message to good ole Claire McCabe and it occurs to me now that I should invite her to participate on the FRodblog. Just imagine all the inventive now phrases and expressions we could incorporate into our everyday vernacular. Like "yo, yo....did you hear that janet was preggers? yeah, she is getting way big!!"....I love Claire...And she has got like five thousand friends....I have a lot of catching up to do...

Kudos to your Senator Boxer, Jesse, for her slamming of Sleazy Killa Rice.... I have gotten really into watching C-Span recently and after getting stoned last night, I subjected myself to about two hours of Senate Foreign Relations Committee vs. The Sleazy Killa...then I watched archival footage of inaugurations past...go FDR!!!...now I am off to watch The Daily Show....bytheway, America The Book is saw raw-ass-shit!!! I love it...those guys are radical, dude!!!!

I met my state senator the other night too!! She is a kooky twitchy lady named Marci who made a very large point out of the fact that twenty five years ago she rode a bike to work...

Although I can't say I have peddled noodles to washed up rockstars, or fornicated with unwashed muppets, I have managed to resume active life in civic organizing. I have taken up the helm of the local DFA group here in Lawrence. And very soon getting involved in the newly formed Progressive Caucus of the Kansas Democratic Party. I am throwing myself into local politics. I want to infiltrate the Kansas Democratic Party and corrupt them with my progressive schemes. I want to howl at the moon like Howrad Dean. It is some perverse resolution of mine. To get active and even RUN FOR OFFICE. Can you imagine that? I remember when in second grade my class took the much anticipated field trip to EXCHANGE CITY, where students, for a day, would live and work in Exchange City, each with their own occupation and salary. We would then wander around the building (city) and spend our money and work at our jobs. And can you guess how Chris earned his bread and butter that memorable day in 1988? Thats right. I was the mayor, bee-yatch. Of Exchange-Fuckin-City. I got to bust punk ass peers for walking on the grass (astroturf). And deliver a riveting address (which I composed from 2-2;45 pm) on the state of the city. And if I recall, my classmates voted me for that position. And, quick trivia... Who played the mayor in Craig Clinton's Production of American Notes. No, it wasn't John Q Dickface. Twas me, motherfucker. And aren't actors supposed to be good politicians?

But I digress. Today I wrote my first letter to the editor of the Lawrence Journal World. It was in response to some douche bag named Haar who spit forth the usual lame ass heritage foundation interpretation of the malicious scheming progressives. Check it out on the DFA message board (1-15) at

http://dfa.meetup.com/354/

Lawrence is a hotbed of progressivism in Kansas. Progressives just about swept the city commision elections. The mayor works at my local co-op The Merc. But the punk ass righties decided to congressionally redistrict Kansas a couple years ago so that the line runs straight through the center of Lawrence, about a block away from me. And so now I am represented by Jim Ryun, the former track star, who, as you may have guessed, is an utter cumface. But he's pretty fast I hear.

Oh, well...time for bed...by the way, I finally got my drivers license...and my favorite new song is "Excitable Boy" by Warron Zevon (RIP)....and my favortie old song is "Particle Man" by They Might Be Giants....who, I must say put on one of the finest live shows I have ever had the privilige of seeing...(among the Allman Bros, The Steve Miller Band, and my first Phish show on acid)....also, if you ever have the chance, look for a book called "Cows Are Freaky When They Look At You: An Oral History of the Kaw Valley Hemp Pickers" which is all about the crazy hippies that lived in Larwrence back in the day. With a forward by William Burroughs, who lived and died here, with his some odd 27 cats and extensive firearm collection and orgone accumulator devices...

.

I have arrived. Art Alexanis the totally famous lead singer/head rockstar in charge of a little rock and roll band called Everclear came into buy a sandwich today. Sausage. He asked what kind of Root Beer we had, I told him Barq's and he ordered a Sprite. He was talking to his friend about churches and voting and Christian radio. I read in the Willy that he recently filed for bankruptcy.

I'm going to take my OLCC test on Sunday. I think it means I'll be able to get hella drunk at work now.

indeed my nephew's name is elliot and I don't know is on third....I ran into Asia last night at The Grenada where The Get Up Kids are playing two shows to be recorded for the live album...I sent her your regards and she wistfully recalled theatre days of yore with you in "lan-custr" (you both say it the same way)....she's a hottie...I

I appreciate your deli advice, and I am glad you are not touching the lemons....you don't need to be touching the lemons, elliot...however, it was all for nil, because I work at a pan asian joint called zen zero...if tim were ever on FROD (tell him to check in or give me his digits) he could give me advice on what it takes to work in a thai joint with nepalese and mexican folks...they're all so sweet...we do have mashed potatoes, but I would rather stick my dick in the panang curry...

also, check out my politricks at nonsensemen.blogspot....

So I'm confused, is your nephew named Elliot, or were you just addressing me? Who's on first?

Tips on Deli work: Make sure you get their drinks right away after you ring them up. Even if there's a big line. And you have to tuck the bag in and fold over about half an inch to an inch and then give it one neat crease. Fold toward the customer. Never crumple. If you're slicing lemons for a drink you can do a little trick where you slide the lemon onto the flat part of the knife and then plop into the ice tea or lemonade or diet coke. That way you never touch the lemon with your hands. You're the king of cash registers so I don't have to tell you about counting back change. You'd be shocked how many people just hand over a wad of cash and coins with no explanation. And no matter what, even if it is that kind of party, DO NOT stick your dick in the mash potatos.

E

Yo E- (and any other Daughters out there)

Middle Amerika is as flat as ever...yet the progressive culture in dowtown Lawrence is as evervescent as a Boulevard Brewing Company Pale Ale (one of the only local microwbreweries)...the rest of Lawrence is swiftly being big boxed and subdivisioned...I live on the outskirts in the midst of it...a couple miles from downtown...I live in a Full House...two adults...1 teenager and the everpresent bevy of indy potsmoking ituners...one young adult (an old childhood crush of mine and friend of the family who moved in two days after I did after being evicted- unemployment in this red state is up 37% since 2000) and her two young boys...and yours truly, spending countless hours on really nice computers and cooking large feasts for family...we had a soul food new years with hoppin john black eyed peas with salt pork and collard greens, complete with a fatty smoked ham hock...fuck yeah!...the Getup Kids will record their live album this weekend downtown and bid farewell to ten years of being Lawrence's darling rockers...I will probably bump into Asia at the show (I assume she is still dating the primadonna Kid Ryan) and I will be sure to send your regards her way...my brother is currently working on a children's album...my nephew, Elliot, is a budding Supergenius...we like to bounce and look in mirrors...he is a fellow Leo...and Lily impresses everyone with her witticisms and peculiar observations, as only 3 year olds can....I just got a job interview at the Mass St Deli (downtown) so, Elliot, you can give me tips on what it takes to peddle sandwiches on the lunch hour...hope all is well in The City That Works...I can be reached at 785-727-0326, my cell.... Kicking Ass and Taking No Prisoners,

The C to the Muthafuckin P

PS- My sister in law is the Lawrence organizer for America for Democracy...I will soon be joining her in organizing the group, as well as throwing myself into the midst of other local activist organizations...civics makes my dick hard! yeahhh!!!.... Elliot, are you involved in the Dean offshoot?....also, the flossblog looks great....keep it up... and make sure Wright doesn't keep projectile vomiting...

Yo Chris, how's Middle Amerika®? Just like you remembered? Make sure you say hi to Asia for me.

E